Find normality...

With a blink of an eye, it's already May.. and it has been a rough 2013.

The times of chase will be missed.

The times of falling will be left with only a memory..

Like shattered glass, we harm each other with every touch

Like shattered glass we scar ourselves with endless pain

Like shattered glass we cut with every care

Like shattered glass... 

the hope to be whole is no longer there...

I have lived by my new motto in life...and it has done me wonders..

It has not lead me to happiness.. but it sure leads me to the cruel reality i live in.

Nothing will change that reality.. but how i deal with it... is a journey i must view alone.

my motto

 " My life is meant to be bad. My life is meant to get worse. My life will not have a happy ending. But if it does...It is a bonus..don't expect it"

What will my future be?

Would it be like how i have always imagined it?

death at a young age. 

or struggle to old age


Times like this makes me wonder... why am i here for?
Why cant i just leap to my death?
Why cant i be allowed to drown away to the afterlife?
why wont you let me go?


Days to nights; nights to days, tears roll down my face as though it is a new added facial feature
my eyes swelling up and drying out
my chest ached and head pounded
my lips dry from the gasps of air
my fingers tremble from the aftermath
i sat still..with my tear-filled phone in my hand that reads
"yayang"

Sitting here with my bloodshot eyes and heavy aching heart...
i wonder..

What is a relationship like? Could mine ever be like the ones in movies?
Is there ever an end to these tears?

Love.

So simple.. yet so complicated.

I love you..

3 simple words... that could mean the world


Sometimes i wonder.. what is love? Can love be sufficient to sustain a happy relationship?

Would it have been better... if you could have gotten a normal girl?


without scars
without counselling
without crying for every little thing
with a religious background
who literates her thoughts properly

among many others...

I feel like a failure...
as a person...
as a girlfriend
as a daughter
as a friend
as a sister...

i wish to rid myself from the people i care for.... as i am a burden nonetheless....

a parasite.....
a liability

i just want to end this....
end the pain
end the sorrows
end my life.....


if there was a given chance......
i'd take it in an instant....

those who read this... and wish to judge me....
wish to lecture me....
wish to yell at me further...


go ahead..i've already been through all that i can...
any further...
would just be a normality....