Facebook

Sometimes i think to myself, having my dad and his friends that i know. as my facebook friend's are fine.I don't have anything to hide and i'm completely transparent with what i do. But then comes the generation age gap. 

Number 1, I get lectured time and time again from my dad because of the difference in understanding between people of his age and people of mine. He complains about my profile picture, what facebook games i play, how much time i spend on facebook. There are times when i need to feel like i'm in my right age. To behave like a 20 year old, to post like a 20 year old and to be thought as a 20 year old. Yes, due to the fact that i have so many of his friends as my friends on facebook, i would automatically project an image to his friends and immediately put him to shame. 

How much time i spend on facebook. Pa, facebook isn't just fun and games for me, i use it to connect to people and to get some work done as well. I don't waste my time idling on facebook, checking out what people are doing, i ALREADY don't have time to do that (i also don't enjoy nosing around people's business). It's a free source of connection to the outside world for me.

The games i play on facebook are simple games to release stress or just to fill up my time when i'm bored. I know you feel at your age time shouldn't be wasted on petty things like games but honestly i already didn't have much of a childhood or teenhood to go and enjoy myself being the kid i could have been at that age. Instead i grew up. I grew up so fast i felt as though i never had the simple things i could have gotten in those years. I never had that impulsive noisy annoying kid stage because i always had to worry about money and the image i was portraying. So now i grow up to be compulsive and impulsive. Wanting everything i see and i have to work to get 80% of what i want. I never had that rebellious age because i was too busy trying to fucking commit suicide. (this part aint much of your fault) so now i pierce my cartilage, i crave to be free and i crave to fight. Maybe you don't see it in me cos you've seen your three other children grow and expect me to be at that level. Maybe? 

Number 2, listening to your friends talking about what i post on facebook. What.the.fuck really. Your friends are supposed to be mature enough to learn boundaries and you as my dad are supposed to protect me. i don't post negative things, i don't swear or curse on my facebook, i post only what is acceptable to you on my facebook and even THAT isn't good enough.?!? 

Yeah my Halloween profile picture was a little creepy but HEY i'm not naked or doing explicit things! i'm just in a lot of scary make up! 

i feel angry that you have so much expectations over me, yeah they may be good for my upbringing and for my future but my present is completely messed up. I understand that you feel your time is coming and that i need to fulfill all that expectations before your time comes but pa....I'm just a kid. I maybe 20 now but i have a lot i haven't accomplished as a child. i am trying to fulfill a lot of them before i grow older and regret missing out on all of them. 

For once in my life, could you just let me be me? Could you give me that chance to be myself and not that fragment of your expectations?  

i know you'll totally flip out if you eventually find this and possibly mope about it and say things like "" i thought i taught you better than this, I'm so disappointed with you, you don't love me that's why you do this..etc..." but enough is enough pa. i really have to learn how to live the life i WANT to live. 

Pa, i love you but sometimes you just have to let me do it the way i can.