Vampire Panda's world

My son

2012-01-24T05:18:00.000-08:00

As the week touches Thursday it will be a week since i have seen my son.

The son that i never expected, but had loved him with all my soul.

Panchinko..

Just last year, his brother; Gringo passed away from a fox attack and now pachinko...

Pachinko.. i've prayed every night and cried countless of times to hope you return home safely but the fact that i DON'T know how you're doing and what happened to you is eating me up whole. I've prayed every night but it seems god likes to play with my subconscious and make me dream about your safety and how you come home looking all fresh and happy but when i wake up all i feel is pain and uncertainty. Is this a way god is telling me that you ARE alright and at home. My parents seem to take it rather lightly whilst i'm banging my head against the wall to take my mind off of you just for 1 small second but i can't...

They don't seem to see the pain and suffering i'm going through not knowing my son is safe or not. They just think that you are just a cat... but you're not... you're my son...

Where'd you go? Come home...Please.....

2011-11-18T08:34:00.000-08:00

HE.

He is real.

He is kind.

He cares even if he says he doesn't.

He lives like every day cannot be wasted.

He can’t sleep until 6am where he’ll completely be knocked out.

He has a pure but confused heart.

He loves cats.

He loves cincau.

He takes an hour to shower and get dressed.

He won’t eat proper meals because he’d rather smoke and drink.

He doesn’t care about what others think about him.

He’s multilingual and hopes to be a translator.

He can barely taste because he can barely smell.

He is true.

He’ll never serve.

He hasn’t cried in 8 years.

He’s incredibly good in almost everything he does, but he’s humble.

He doesn’t like others to apologise

He hates to be alone

He wants someone to know him deep down

He wants someone to cry over, to chase, to love.

He is a music addict

He is sarcastic

He is honest

He is he

And he shattered my soul.

After almost 6 months... i still find myself in that whirling pit on pain...

Thank for shattering what i thought was friendship

Yoon Han Jae....Shirheo yo

Over. . .

2009-12-20T20:31:00.000-08:00

It has been a year 4 months a week and 2 days now since Yang and i have been together, but , as off last Tuesday its all over.

The days of being together just for the sake of each others happiness are all gone. i have to admit it that painfully, it was all for the best. Although now all i wish is as if i had never asked for us to brake it off.

I still remember the days, where i used to sneak out of my house to see him. We would spend the day remembering our past together how we would joke around in Ninjutsu class, Thinking about what we would do when we're older, and even plan for how many kids we were gonna have. We never thought about anything else. Religion was never the problem between the both of us, as if we have totally forgotten what was there waiting for us.

My parents grew to love him very much, they were expecting a lot to come for the two of us. They'd always tease me and make fun of me but always comfortable with the both of us. I respect my parents and love them for giving me this kind of support. Unfortunately, it wasn't the same for his side of the family. His family never knew of us being together and we manage to make it stay that way for sometime. I was a student in his mother's Math class i wasn't her best student after everything although I've always strived to be the best so that it might be easier for her to accept me.

One day, his mother found out and was upset at the thought of losing her son to me, a Muslim. I was devastated of course, knowing i can never be with him, but he told me that his parents was going to put it all aside until my exam (SPM) was done so that it wouldn't give me any stress. Little did i know, he was actually lying to me. His parents wanted us to brake it off ever since they found out.

On the 15th of December at exactly 12:13am

I asked for the brake, and it was the most devastating moment of my life. We painfully accepted it for i think its best he obeys his mother and it wouldn't be fair for me to tear up a family.

But it still makes me wonder. . . .

Is religion made to hurt people???

Is religion made to separate people??

Is god a sadist???? Did he create all this religions so that people can fight and kill others???
Did he create religion so that people can hate and despise everyone just cos they are not in the same religion. . . .

Did he make religion so that people can't love?????

Will someone explain to me. . . .

i know there will be a lot of people who is gonna say that i blame god for my own reasons. . . . i dunno. i apologise if anybody feels so. . . .

Anyway

To Yang: i still love no matter what. And I'll be waiting if we ever get the chance again. . . .

KITTENS FOR ADOPTION!!!!!!

2009-10-05T01:11:00.000-07:00

Name: Baby

Age: probably 10 days old

Sex: Female

Feeding: have to feed with milk every 3-6 hours. CANNOT skip a meal for she might die!

Bathe: Not necessary till she's 6 months plus. after she poops just use wet tissue to clean her.
Use wet tissue to wipe her after eating so that the milk doesn't stick to her body.
constantly use wet tissue to wipe her eyes.
Warmth: She needs the warmth, Either keep her close to your body or put a lamp above her.

P.s: You need to keep her warm!!!! I will give you the milk for free to keep feeding her. This one needs an adoption as soon as possible.

Name: Smitzenburg

Age: 2 months old

Sex: Male

Feeding: Just give cat food and he'll eat it by himself.

Bathe: Not neccesary until he's 6 months plus. he will lick himself clean.

Info: Was suffering from minge and fungal disease Minge is a disease that make the cat feels itchy and maybe fatal, he is now recovering from that disease with the jab from the vet and in a week or two he will be more than fine.

Anybody interested or for more info please contact Me Mas Marlena Mohamad @ 016-2091728.

All these kittens just need a loving family and a home... would you be that guardian angel for them?

Note: These Kittens are gonna be given away for TOTALLY FREE!!!

Here's to a great kitten.

2009-09-02T05:40:00.000-07:00

Hey again guys,

Yes i apologize but this is another emo post.
Its about my kitten Chewy, he passed away early yesterday morning because of a motorcycle who knocked him off and left him to die a quiet death. .

Early that morning when i had my sahur, i already felt that something bad was gonna happen, i didn't know it had anything to do with the kittens. So early that morning as usual i played with them, fed them and snuggled chewy and hugged Belle then i went to get ready for school.

In class i still had that bad feeling but i didn't know what it was about, so i continued my day as usual. I talked so much about how adorable Chewy is and how i love to hug him when its cold outside and how he would purr in my ear or sleep on my arm, merajuk when he's upset, and sometimes kiss me on my lips just because i care for him.

While i'm typing this my heart is aching so much on how much i miss him so dearly, and later last night, i flipped through old photos and videos of him and felt like he didn't die at all.

My mother, once a cat hater, but now she couldn't stand the pain of losing Chewy. She told me she almost broke down when she heard the news when early that morning she was still playing with him. Same goes with my father, he was heartbroken when he had to bury Chewy with his own hands. He kept repeating that " i thought he was sleeping, he looked like he's sleeping! i can't believe that he's gone..."

And here i was, crying my eyes out thinking that he was just so young, but when my dad told his friend about Chewy, He only answered this. "This is the 7th month of the Chinese calender which usually Diana (my mother) would have an accident or broken bones, So what your cat did was actually sacrificing himself, to save Diana. . ."

My dad couldn't take it, although knowing its unlikely but the thought of it was enough to make my dad drown in his tears. My dad was touched although the fact that it maybe a lie.

Anyway this is all i can say about Chewy and i really hope that he didn't die. Cos' i still wanna feel his warmth when i hug him, annoy him till he squeaks, and love him and give him a proper home, I'm really sorry Chewy, for being such a bad owner. . . . . i guess i'm not cut out to be a pet owner after all.

BACK FROM THE DEAD!!!!

2009-08-05T05:17:00.000-07:00

Yo yo people!!!

welllllll~ some people might already know that i'm back from being sick. . . again. .

=.=

from Mondays big HOOHAA!

well i'm fine, nothing big to be worried about.

I don't have H1N1

just common fever, flu, sore throat etc

things that nobody should be worried of ^^

Anyway, lets not talk about all that no shall we,

My BIG BIG day is tmr i really cant wait.

i've been studying real hard for tomorrows exam too and i cant afford to slack off

i almost forgot!

This year MPT5 from SMK Seafield REEKS!!!!!

so~

Me with help from comitee members in the entire form 5 of SMK Seafield joined together,

WE ARE GONNA MAKE THIS YEAR THE BEST PROM SMK SEAFIELD EVER HAD!!!!!

The theme is gonna be masqurade which is gonna be cool and mysterious!!

hahah

Just thinking about this is making me so excited, XDDDD

Well i really need all the help i can get to make this work

GOOD LUCK THEN!!

p.s

these are pics of my cats :) for fun

This is Chewy :D

This is Belle she's the princess that only grooms herself 24/7 ":)

BACK FROM CHICKENPOX!!!!!

2009-07-29T04:19:00.000-07:00

YO people!!

long time no blog yo! so ya as everyone know i was down with chickenpox ^^ hahaha what great timing huh.......

And when i say that i mean WHAT WORST TIMING EVER!!!!!

I worked so hard and organised project burger and in the end it was cancle

...

i felt terrible.

I'm really really sorry to everyone who was looking forward to project burger

anyway, i'm back and fine as ever despite the holes on my face haha

and as soon as i got back,

i heard that,

a classmate threw a table at someone,

prefect election day was over,

there were a few cases of H1N1 in school,

the school found a couple of puppies,

info on prom is out

Talk about missing out on things ^^

haahah sorry there aren't any photos

YET!!

haha so sit tight and don't worry

i'll give you guys pics

TEEHEEEEEHEEE

buhbye now ^^

lovely memories ^^

2009-06-22T00:58:00.000-07:00

WoW haha

Well since my buddies tell me that my blog is so dull and only filled with emo-ness, i'm gonna write a non emo post this time and hopefully continue from here ^^

So anyway as everyone knows Campfire night was last Saturday (20/06/2009) and it was awesome it was my first campfire night ^^ hahaha anyway we'll come back to that later i wanna explain how awesome my day was

It started in the morning when i went for my weekly martial arts training (Ninjutsu) ^^

Usually i try not to go for class cause its so boring nowadays =.=" hehe anyway this time i had to go cause it was the inter-school competition and as president i have to go and "Tunjuk muka". so ya i went but an excuse to skip training i brought my art project that was due on Monday (Today) so in the end i didn't really do much on my seni project but instead i was talking to Xin dee about how we hated the seni project ^^ haha

later in the afternoon it started to rain heavily and the ninjustu students as usual =.= trained under the rain and to save my arts stuff from getting wet I SACRIFICED MY ASS XD...... literally (covering arts project by putting my ass and my back out at the rain)

after everything Yang brought me to a quiet place behind the makmal computer and i told him of 1 of my wishes and he asked what was it.....

i told him .....

to be kissed under the rain ^^ hahahaha like in a movie you know hahahah

after that he carried me into the rain while i was screaming for him to put me down then as he put me down he kissed me XD haha

then....

we rushed for cover hahahaha

Then later that evening as i was getting ready for campfire night i started sneezing so i tried not to be obvious to my parents if not they'll never let me go xD

After all the performance came the dancing hahaha (for more info on CFN i suggest u see kisu's blog its more detailed)

i was already half dead when we were dancing ^^ sneezing and headache but i promised myself "i'm gonna party hard, then i'm gonna sleep hard, then i'm gonna work hard on my seni" but by the time i got home i was too sick to even move so after showering i just went to bed...

but..

the next morning i got super sick with flu, fever and cough but thats another story haha

well i guess thats all for now i hope its not that emo anymore ^^

ta tah~

Ying...... i miss you.....

2009-06-17T01:01:00.000-07:00

This post is for my dear sweet Ying........

my kitten that ran away because of a selfish inconsiderate thought of my "dear lovely father" with his selfishness and JEALOUSY over a tiny little kitten who does noone any harm.....

It all began last Thursday 11th of June 2009, the exact date where my parents wanted to go to penang for a business trip, and draged me along with the excuse of meeting my relatives, but in the end they cancled all their business meetings just to push the blame at each other.

So on Thursday morning, as i woke up out of bed to see my darling kitten who i "sayang " so bloody much as my own daughter, i called out her name and no replies.....

usually i'd get a meow or her coming out to me for food and she'd lie on my leg begging for food but on that day i didn't get a single reply. i looked everywhere and i panicked but in the end my sister Za found her under the car, frightened. When i took her out of the car and attempt to feed her she struggled and got away from me and i noticed that she was limping thats where my mom promised me that she'd take her to the vet so i was relieved.

After treating her my we packed and left for penang and Yang helped me feed her 3 times everyday which i am so very thankful.

And so, after 4 days in penang we came back to see Ying out of her cage which she wasn't supposed to be because of her leg, the place was a mess and Ying looked very sick and tired.

The next day, my dad and my sis brought her to the vet and in the end the doctor said that she was just dehydrated and having the flu. I have to say i was pretty relieved because it wasn't the "Hook worm" that killed my earlier kitten Riko.

I stayed up all night that day thinking of Ying and my art project, so yes, i did not sleep that night. So when i was finishing up my arts project she meowed and begged to get out of the cage, so i let her out and let her sleep on my door mat where she liked, but later that night when it was around 2am i went and checked on her but she wasn't there.
i went around my entire neighbourhood with a stupid nokia phone torchlight that doesn't really work......

The next morning my brother found her in the drain shivering. he took her out and passed her to me and i held her tight so that she could stop shivering but as i wrapped her around a cloth my bus came and i had to put her in the cage.....

.....

then yesterday (tuesday), my dad so selfishly let Ying out of her cage and let her walk away while i was in tuition...

and she hasn't eaten all day yesterday

and i haven't seen till today.........

Faith in your eyes ^^

2009-06-15T03:02:00.000-07:00

Hey hey people ^^

i just composed this song i dunno if you think that its nice or not but it'll be really nice to share with me your comments and maybe tell me how can i improve in the lyrics ^^

Thankies<3

anyway here it is.... enjoy ^^

Faith in your eyes

i used to see the sparkles in your smile

i love the way you pick me up when i was down

i still see, those , lovely, faith in your eyes

you are everything to me.

the love you bring to me its so beautiful

the happiness you share its just wonderful

you and i know we were never meant to be,

but with the faith in your eyes. . .

you make me feel. . like i'm everything to you.
everything to you. . . .

love is more then the way i say i love you

love is more than just another gift or two

because

Love is the way you hold me

love is the way you look at me

love is the way you smile, you laugh

the way you lay those. . .

faith in your eyes on me

~piano solo~

love is more then the way i say i love you

love is more than just another gift or two

because

Love is the way you hold me

love is the way you look at me

love is the way you smile, you laugh

the way you lay those. . .

faith in your eyes on me

you and i know we were never meant to be but,

when i see your faith in your eyes

and feel the warmth in your heart

i just cant bare of losing your touch and that sweet sweet lovely

faith in your eyes. . . . .

to me you are everything,

Everything i needed,

everything i've wanted

,everything i've felt and

everything i've seen in those faith in your eyes

P.s this song is dedicated to my beloved Yang <3

I LOVE YOU!!!!!!! ^^

Love and peace ya'll

2009-05-20T02:06:00.000-07:00

OMG..... i found this blog n guess wat??? ITS ALL ABT ME!!!!!!!!
http://ninalikewhaa.blogspot.com/2009/05/dire

>D Check it out

Yo Yo Yo peoplez,

Its da Masie mai heheheehheeh

Its been so long, huh ^^

Anyway, Masie mai here gots a lil problem my homies XD

And the problem is~

....
.
.
.
.

I HAVEN'T BEEN SO HAPPY IN MY LIFE!!!!!!!! YAHAHAHAAHAH

ya sure i've been fighting with a ..... buddy.. i think ^^" but pftff

so what ^^

"SO WHAT, I'M STILL A MASIE I GOT MY....... ugh never mind "

anyway this year SMK Seafield is having a carnival "FINALLY" and our class is doing something really really special ^^
And the nice thing about it is that everyone is working together ^^

5J which consist if , 34 students
6 Malay girls
14 Malay guys
3 Chinese girls
3 Chinese boys
1 Indian girl
3 Indian boys
And 2 Mix girls

All working together as a class TT^TT i have fulfilled my wish

so ya

And project burger is coming up!!!!!!!! AHAHAHAHAHAHAAH

Cant wait for JULY!!!!

IN YOUR FACE KISU!!!!!!!

~project burger~

btw
Beethoven kitteh
http://media.photobucket.com/video/Keyboard%20Cat/pbhomepage/video1/keyboardcat.flv

CHECK IT OUT!

2009-03-07T22:24:00.000-08:00

...

Again another emo post....

Sorry to all those readers but ya, again i'm down.....

this week has been a real F***ed up week, i dunno wats going on in my life right now.

again this time is about my mom haiz.....

i don't even bother about my life now

And the only thing thats stopping me from suiciding is Yang, but even that, it would be much easier for yang if i just died.

he would be free from this curse of the knowledge of us will never be together. . .

Haiz, sorry guys ..... its so emo again

2009-03-07T09:44:00.000-08:00

. . . .

hey pplz, its me again....

*Sigh*

I thought i could spend a lot of time this week with Yang, but ....

Question . . . Am i too bothersome? Am i the type of gf that is SO controlive? if it is ... please, anyone tell me.

i'm feeling so left out nowadays, not by my pals or family, its Yang......

i dunno if i should be writing this, but so that i could be the person everyone knows me by, i think i should.

ToYang: i'm sorry if you don like what you see here, i'm really sorry... i guess i just needed to let go......

For so long, i've been thinking to myself, whether i'm a good gf, whether Yang would be happy with the things i do for him. i hope he does.

I know he has sacrificed alot for me, and i appreciate that but, the sacrifices he makes are too risky and always leaves me in guilt.

He quited Christian Fellowship comitee cos of me.

Sometimes i think to myself, was it the wrong thing to do. . . being with him. . . he was so happy those days where were just friends, but now he has to put up with his mom, his church, and the people who knows him.

Do you wish we had fallen in love? So deeply towards one another, just being trapped by this thing called the forbidden love of 2 religion.

I wont be able to stand if i was the one, who stopped you and prevented you from your happiness.

For now, all my wish is just to spend as much time with you as possible. But i don't wanna be the controlive gf therefore i will sacrifice spending time with you for that moment, though i know, we can never be together, no matter how much it hurts and no matter how much i love you.

All i want is your happiness.

Are you happy?

2009-03-05T08:33:00.000-08:00

....
heyz,

well i'm back again...

*sigh* this week hasn't been the best week of my life...

heard my friend is gonna kill himself, found out a crush still has a crush on me but had to turn him down nd ended up hurting him, his friend ... not helping.., arts exam not even done, and been so lonely these past few days.

i just wanna curl up in my bed and block out all the noises and just have a deep deep sleep, and hopefully, not have anyone ever wake me up.

I just want a break from all this, i mean school have to study super hard cos' of exams, home work till i die and i go online at night .. cos' i dont have a choice.

*sigh*

2009-03-02T01:18:00.001-08:00

HEY HEY ^^

haha anyway, had a merentas desa last Saturday and ya, tired out of my mind even though i didn't run XD hehe

i had to take care of the ninjutsu stall so ya LUCKY!!!!!

and ya, had a health camp to go to so had a pretty awesome day other than the fact that my leg hurt so much cos my bro went and kicked me on my shin ... HARD , and it coludnt move the whole day on Saturday.

i'm glad i could hel out all those people and hope to do it again anytime soon ^^

Tah tah for now jia nee~~~

2009-02-25T04:21:00.000-08:00

Well, its been awhile ^^

anyway just heard that i cant act in this short film a friend of mine is directing due to some problems . . . . .

Anyway, i guess i'm fine i shouldnt emo about things like this and just be happy and move forward ^^ there's always chances out there .....

i just hope i didn't make kisu cry . . . ><*shouts from afar "I'M REALLY SORRY KISU"*

i can say i am abit down about this but as i said, i always have to think positive ^^.

well ok i'm off to do work that i was supposed to finish yesterday XD hahaha good bye now~~

^^

2008-11-25T17:56:00.000-08:00

(22/11/2008)
Hey its Mas again
haiz today has just been the most irritating and F***ed up day =.=
Just got scolded by my mom and i really really cant take it any longer.
i mean, today we were all supposed to go tho this old folks home to help and stuff and ya i woke up early like 7am just to help my mom cook, bake and stuff but in the end...
i just got scolded for stuff i didn't do (again) and this time it really went too far, so ya i finally expressed myself and got myself busted, and she's all like "YA LA YA LA ITS NOT YOUR FAULT!! ITS ALL MINE RIGHT!!!! YOU NEVER TREATED ME AS YOUR MOM I'M JUST A SERVANT TO YOU DON'T EVER TALK TO ME!!!!!!"
and when i went to do my chores, she just grabbed it from me and tossed it on the floor. =.= haiz
I really wanted to scream at her already and i finally wanted to break my record of being a goody goody daughter.
In 16 years of my life i've been just too scared of her, well not anymore. If she wants to scold me then whatever i'm not scared....
Gimme whatever she's got!!!!!!!!!! She can disown me and stuff i don't even care anymore!! If she so happens to read this i want her to know that

"FYI!!!!! I CAN LIVE ON MY OWN!!! I'M INDEPENDANT!!! and if that doesn't work there is still SUICIDE!!!!!!!!!!!!! All i wanted is for you to have the heart to listen to what i have to say, love me for who i am, understand that the whole family loves you. Unlike many kids you and i know, i'm different, i don't scream or talk back at you that's cos I love you and so does the whole family.try to think back and see, and let me remind you of the love your family has shown you
Who was the one who rushed form work just so that he could send you to the hospital when you broke ypur leg?? = your husband!
Who was the one who stayed with you in the hospital for four nights without the comfort of a nice bed or clothes to change?? = your daughter
Who was the one who helped you run up and down the hospital to but you food to eat?? = your son!
Who was the one who held your hand up and down the stairs when you were in pain?? = your 2nd daughter!
Who was the one who stayed by your side and helped you tons of times even though you both fight often?? = your sister!!
Who were the ones who gave you the support you needed whenever you needed it whether if its financially or morally?? = your brohters!
Who was the one who came to see you even when you don't like them?? = your ex-boss
Who was the one who came and helped around the house?? = Your god sister
These are the people who care for you so dearly and yet you say you don't feel loved... Why is that??
Are you trying to show that the efforts made by all these people are just waste??
That all their hard work their sweat and tears of love just gone down the drain.......
i'm sorry i've been a horrible daughter to you... just wanted you to know, that everyone you think hates you actually loves you with all their heart..

(i know this sounds super emo ... just trying to relieve my anger)
Thanks a lot for listening though..

2008-11-08T01:31:00.000-08:00

Hmmm today was a really really ... really tiring day for me and boring day too

Got to see Denise and all but still ... boring =..=

but yesterday was really really interesting ^^ my bf (yang) came to visit me due to our anniversary ^^ it was really really nice

but i kinda felt bad that he helped me alot in my chores and all ><

but yea... it was really sweet of him ^^

to Yang: I LOVE YOU!!!!!!!!!!! XD

thats all from me i guess ^^

out of topics liao XD

so ciao ^^

2008-11-05T20:25:00.000-08:00

1. If your lover betrayed you, what will your reaction be?
i would most probably cry first, then i'll see why would he do that, then i'll keep it to myself.

2. If you can have a dream to come true, what would it be?
Being able o marry anyone without the fear of religion and blah blah.

3. If you are the opposite gender, what would you do?
i would date girls XD

4. What would you do with a billion dollars?
hmm~ i would give it to charity, family and frens and of course save some for myself XD

5. Will you fall in love with your friend?
Already did ^^"

6. Which is more blessed, loving someone or being loved by someone?
Being Loved ^^

7. How long do you intend to wait for someone you really love?
Forever if i have to.

8. If the person you secretly like is already attached, what would you do?
I would be upset of course but i wont do anything its his life not mine ^^

9. Have u ever been labeled as a snatcher?
YA =.=

10. What takes you down the fastest?
My mom ><

11. How would you see yourself in ten years time?
Happy with kids XD hahaha

12. What do you really want at the moment of responding to this tag?
Just to answer it fast XD i'm gonna miss my bus weh XD haha

13. What kind of person do you think the person who tagged you is?
Teahuh XD loud and funny of course

14. Would you rather be single and rich or married but poor?
Married but poor. love is all that matters to me.

15. What's the first thing you do when you wake up today?
Go to the toilet O___o

16. Would you give all in a relationship?
Hell YAH!

17. If you fall in love with two people simultaneously, who would you pick?
It really depends.

18. Would you forgive and forget no matter how horrible a thing the someone has done?
Thats for sure. but still it depends on the situation =.=

19. What is your feeling right now?
Late and scared O___o

I tag:
The world XD

Ola! XD

2008-11-05T19:51:00.000-08:00

ok since i am a noob in this kisu is right next to me XD. ok.......

MAi: kisu wat now O______o

KISU: uh..you introduce yourself. =_=

MAI: ok then... *does fancy entrance* haha welcome one and all to my ... blog XD

i'm 16, from malaysia *coughs out blood* and i like pie XD

i like to crossdress, and also i'm a chibi doodler XD so yea... i draw O____o

ok for now, haha tah tah time to study tomorrow got history exam and its the end for my 16 year old exam life. so yea .......

tah tah! love the world ^^